you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's rum buckets o'clock
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
