i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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