In the future we'll all be gay
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
