Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
