he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
