your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
