if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize