the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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