Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
