Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
