I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
