Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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