Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize