she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
