I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
