3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
