So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone