You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You ate ashes out of my bong