we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day