I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.