He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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