Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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