Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
