Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
