I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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