I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
