Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
