we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
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I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
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Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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