I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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