I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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