Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
