Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
