i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
