an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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