this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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