Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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