can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
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My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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