Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
