hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
