I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
