Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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