ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
