I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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