just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
