I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
