i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
