even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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