i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
