Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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