Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
