Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize