My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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