I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
