it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
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I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
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I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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