now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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