Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
