Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
