Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My balls are so social today.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
