He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
