I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
