I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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