nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
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You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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