You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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