Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
