i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
And then he peed in my hair
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