shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
