do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
