You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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