u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
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But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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