living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
