If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
