NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just want to make out with him forever
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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