He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize